A Letter to the People of ISLAS

From an anonymous member of ISLAS:

Ladies and gentlemen of ISLAS, I have a proposition to make. As you all know, probably from personal experience and, if not that, very likely secondhand, everyone is running a thin thread of tolerance. Often, for many of us, it has broken. I have had to force myself to get off the forum many a time so I will not post angry ramblings against opponents.

Is there a way to solve this? Why are we all so tense and angry?

I believe there are many contributing factors. For instance, the elections have run on for more than six months, if you count the beginning of the summer. If not, counting from August they have lasted four months. This is much more time than we need. In all this time, we have built up too much tension from waiting to find out who will be the winner. We get too wound up in our personal campaigns that we fight against every little accusation and argue over petty differences.

I suggest that in the future we make a decision to keep the election, campaigning and poll time, down to one month. Starting, perhaps, in the middle of July so the elections do not run on into the school year, and end in the middle or near end of August. That way we would not have time to build up such strong and unbudging alliances.

All this time we have had has given us tension which makes us even more determined to have our side win; we will do almost anything. I have heard rumors of bribery going on, and rumors of some accepting those bribes, which infuriates me. This just goes to show how strongly engrossed I am. I am sure many, if not all, of you are as thoroughly entwined.

Making sure future elections are short will help cut down the probability of the tensions and alliances getting so strong that we all are fighting tooth and nail for our spot at the top.

To finish off, I would like to ask, what are the ISLAS elections about? Where are we planning to go with this? Where are we planning to stop? Is it a full fledged democracy? Shall we hold elections for the presidents, and then have regional senators? What about governors? Or states? Where does this all end?

I believe, in the beginning, it was for entertainment that we began the elections. I remember hearing, “Well, this could be fun, so let's try it!” Is anyone having fun? We have lost the vital element of humor.

The road we are heading down is not one that is pleasant. If things continue the way they are going, the winning side is going to be ruling over a very sore opposing side. I have heard many say that, if the other side wins, they may not want to continue frequenting ISLAS. Personally, even though I agree, I think this is a rather extreme measure. Is there not some way to overcome this? Was there not a day where we all had a fabulous time watching the hilarious escapades of the president?

Why is it everyone refers to Mr. John Ahern, our first president, as an example of what we do not want? Is he not exactly what we do want? Even those who sought to overthrow him, even those who got executed, admit in secret that he was a very amusing president. He supplied us with self deprecating videos and took all the criticism with much good humor. Can any of the current candidates hold that place with such flamboyant, foppish jocularity?

I suggest we all join together, this year, to place him again on his well deserved throne. Next year we can do this over again, with the newly gained experience, and, hopefully, learn from our many mistakes. Mr. Ahern can join us together, amuse us, kill us off, once again, one by one. I ask you, would you say, if you were asked how he did, and you replied honestly and anonymously, he was a cruel tyrant who caused us all to be more angry than we are today? I will willingly admit he was not, even if, during his reign, I was adamantly fighting him. He set a high standard for future ISLAS presidents, which I am quite willing to believe none can break.

Please, listen to my recommendations. We could rid ourselves of these petty squabbles and return to our hilarious, mostly inane chatterings. Do you think finishing this election will solve the problems we have? Almost all losers are bad losers, myself most certainly included. If your side loses, how will you feel?

Consider my warnings, fellow ISLAS-ers.

Fervently,
Anonymous

Scandal in Samantha's Suicide?

An article from an anonymous author:

This morning, ISLASers woke to see the hideous spectacle of Samantha Jordan impaled on a 40' long spike. While other reporters ran hither and thither searching for someone to interview, we went to the core of the matter. We found Death not far from the scene of death. But when asked about the incident, all he said was NO COMMENT. So we went to the next best source.

'The Department of Undead Welfare is very interested in Samantha's death," said department head Nathaniel Spear as we sat in his office. "We're hoping she comes back to help the cause of ghost's rights. The undead population of ISLAS seems to be suffering of bodily reanimation, making us a minority once more.'

'How bad is the undead situation?' I asked.

'Oh, terrible. The living are prejudiced, some ghosts want their bodies back in working order, and others just want to kill everyone else. It's all the department can do to stop them.'

'Do you think that the death of Samantha Jordan was in this last category?'

Mr. Spear looked uncomfortable as I asked this question. 'Investigations are continuing,' he said shortly.

When asked if he would want to change the minority status of the undead population, he glared at me and made no comment.

The interview ended soon afterward, and we made our way back to headquarters, our heads full of what we had just heard. Was this really only a suicide, or is there something worse involved? Could this have been undead terrorist action, or perhaps a small glimpse of a dark political move to give undead majority? Will we all be murdered in our beds? Who can tell? We can't, but there is definitely more here than meets the eye.

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Please email theislasscoop@gmail.com to send articles of all sorts. If we deem them respectable and worthy, they will be posted. You have the option of being published anonymously, or with your name attached to the article. Alternately, you may email your article to Reporter Blake and she will send it on to headquarters.

Also, we are working on the last campaign interviews, though certain candidates are being unhelpful. We will, with cooperation, have posted all the interviews by this weekend. We apologize for any impatience we have caused. It being the school year has not helped our efforts to give every candidate and equal chance to dazzle the world of ISLAS.