ISLAS Elections: the Candidates

The pre-election times in ISLAS are a season for unity. Unity of the discordant sort. Clashes of interest, clashes of opinion fill the air in these joyful times. Friends become temporary enemies, support for some candidates flames wildly and for others, well, it is sadly lacking. Elections are a time for blackmail, overabundance of colorful signatures and avatars, cheesy nonsensical slogans, bribery, and flat-out shameless advertisement of self. Some find it unbearable and tedious. Others find it amusing and comical. All agree, though, that ISLAS elections are filled with enthusiasm and push up thread creation and post rates to a ridiculous high.

Fun as they are, the elections usually last only a few months, at the most, and, by the end, everyone is happy that they are finally over. Relief abounds and everything goes back to normal.

Today, we will give you an overview of the candidates. There are four campaigns, and a fifth has been rumored; we will cover all of them.

DenHoed and DenHoed. The supposed embodiment of the confusion in today's ISLAS. The fight of man against man. Jekyll and Hyde.

Geleynse and Bertilson. Their campaign is filled with themes of unity. Races of all sorts, uniting for one cause. They are a favorite among the pirates.

De Salsa and Bertilson. MP3 player and man, running together. Not much has been heard from this campaign, so, until we have more to go on, we will not be giving our readers much more information.

Taylor and Jaramillo. Not much has been heard from this campaign, either. One signature, though, has given us a little to run on. They are the ones for Prokofiev and goat lovers everywhere.

The rumored campaign, which has not been officially announced, but many claim to have heard about, is the Hunter and Hilton campaign. Since nothing is out in the open about this supposed campaign, we do not have anything to help our readers decide whether these two are their folks. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Also, we would like to thank Mr. Speare for pointing out our error in the previous article. The campaign is de Salsa-Bertilson, not only Bertilson. We are sorry for any confusion this oversight may have caused.

Read the Scoop for all your ISLAS news!

Starrett Abducted

Certain sources that shall remain unnamed have brought to our attention that the colorful and eccentric Miss Starrett has vanished from the world as we know it.

“She was abducted by aliens,” said her alarmed dear friend, Miss Lyss. She then went back on her statement, adding that, since another friend of hers was an alien, she could say no more on the matter.

When questioned, Miss Regina Bertilson, the self-proclaimed 'alien' said, “Considering the timing of her disappearance, I expect Erin has become a victim of the Evil Mother and School conspiracies. I am not, in any way, involved in the matter. If she was abducted by aliens, it was definitely an evil branch, not from Nimba Jimba.”

Our research proves that Miss Starrett has been missing for at least a month, and alarm grows in those groups of ISLAS which knew the lovely girl. “If Erin has been kidnapped by aliens, my presidency will bring her to justice,” exclaimed Noah Bertilson, one of the vice-presidential candidates running for office. "Vote Bertilson!" he added, with fervor.

We offer our sincere sympathy to all those who knew Miss Starrett, and extend our wishes that she may be found and returned to her rightful home as soon as possible.

Introducing the Scoop

Here is the ISLAS scoop on all the spicy and slippery stories you can find! All new and all scoopy for you to read!

The news articles will begin to appear soon. We need to get out there and get the events and information, and then start writing frantically. Our top reporter, Tort Sentitude, will write and post most of the articles, but once in a while we will have a guest poster to mix things up a bit. We all love those delicious mixed-flavor ice creams!

Don't forget your scoop,

Tort