The Kampaign of Kaos Interview: Kitty and Geleynse

After many annoyances (computers and internet browsers that shut down randomly, just out of spite), here, finally, is the Kitty - Geleynse interview. We apologize that we took so long to get it up, but when one has a second email, one does not usually remember to check it.

Also, we have not gotten any response from either of the other campaigns after emailing them the interview questions, so it is doubtful we will have more interviews up any time soon.

What will the main goal of your presidency of ISLAS be?

Andre: Keep people entertained. And make sure everyone has free and easy access to the arsenal.

Kitty: I'm mostly here to entertain myself. Since I'm currently under house arrest, ISLAS is my refuge. We'll have lots of fireworks, explosions, etc. My secretary will work on bringing life back to areas that are sometimes neglected, such as Debate, School, Ars Gratia Artis, and Games.

How are you intending to achieve this goal?

A: By showing people that they obviously want to vote for us, and by blowing away the other campaigns (literally) with our awesomeness.

K: The fireworks and explosions will be achieved the normal way, of course. With explosives. ^_^ By posting more frequently on neglected boards, we will encourage greater participation among our fellow ISLASers.

What do you have to offer that no other campaign can give?

K & A: Honesty. Every other campaign offers fake promises of stability and happiness and then goes and does something like hanging everyone behind their backs. We, the Kampaign of Kaos, are completely and 100% honest about our motives. We don't sneakily kill people behind their backs while maintaining a lovely facade for the public. When we want to kill someone, we proudly tell the world while we blow that someone into smithereens.

How does ISLAS know you will keep your promises and not fall quiet a few weeks after being elected?

A: Because our only promises are to blow things up and keep people entertained. It's a pretty simple promise, and one that we can keep.

K: Exactly, Andre. In addition, my secretary has a safeguard against dying under overwhelming schoolwork. I'll make sure that whenever she looks like she's working too hard, I'll sit on her books, hide her pencils, and force her to come onto ISLAS.

In summary, why should ISLASers vote for you?

A: Because we're awesome. And we've got grenades.

K: Quite. Also, if you vote for us, you'll effectively get a Triumvirate of rulers. (Although only one of us is male...) You'll have me as your head, followed by Andre, and my scatterbrained secretary. Three working towards these goals will be much more successful than two.

This campaign looks pretty tempting, with all its promises of violence and explosives (I have a soft place in my heart for explosives and ice cream) and entertaining campaign videos, but, in all seriousness, what will explosives really do for ISLAS? Virtual explosions get boring after a while and, chaos and anarchy, however fun and exciting they may seem, don't really do much for the common good of ISLAS.

On the other hand, Kitty's campaign is one of the two most involved, most entertaining, and most promising. The question really is, who can entertain us the best, for the longest?

The ISLAS Communist Party Interview: Blake

Here is the first of what will hopefully be four interviews, this one is with Vicki Blake, the leader of the ISLAS Communist Party. I will be using the same questions for all the interviews, simply because that is easiest.

Since the ICP has a clearly humorous approach to the ISLAS presidency, we have two answers for each question. Both from Miss Blake, but one comical and the other serious. The comical will be B (for Bolshevik) and serious, V (Vicki).

What will the main goal of your presidency of ISLAS be?

B: Comrades! The main, and indeed, the only goal of the ICP is to bring revolution! Too long has the proletariat suffered under the crushing yoke of the evil bourgeois capitalists. The ICP will bring the proletariat soaring to the top. It will usher in the new age of the dictatorship of the proletariat!

V: To keep everyone as entertained as possible. Bread and circuses, and all that. What I really want is that everyone should have at least a little bit of vested interest in the forum.

How are you intending to achieve this goal?

B: We intend to achieve this goal by nothing short of a revolution. There can be no glory otherwise.

V: I hope to come up with ideas which will tantalize and excite all the different kinds of people--the writing kids, the music kids, the language kids, the artsy kids, the computer nerd kids, the math kids, etc. Some of those will be harder for me than others, but I'm hoping my worthy VP will be able to complement my deficiencies.

What do you have to offer that no other campaign can give?

B: Land! Peace! Bread!

V: If I told you, I would have to kill you. But for serious, I think my favorite thing about this campaign is something we haven't done, and if I mention it, we will have done it. You see my dilemma?

How does ISLAS know you will keep your promises and not fall quiet a few weeks after being elected?

B: Oh, comrade, how could you ask such a sad question? The people of ISLAS are like my dear dear children. Would a mother forget her child? Nay! And how much less could a glorious revolutionary leader forget her people!

V: Because I need this little world as a stress reliever. *raises ears*

In summary, why should ISLASers vote for you?

B: ISLASers should vote for me because the ICP is the party of glorious revolution! We who stand this day together shall be forever sung in the great ballads of history! We shall never be forgotten!

V: What I want from ISLAS is that the people on it should be real friends. I think this comes about in two ways: friendly competition and common goals. I hope to provide things (my little Half & Half competition is a preliminary attempt) that we can actually do together that involve more than just typing words (Okay, well, I guess writing is just typing words. Hopefully future things will be better). Even if I'm not elected, I'll implement whatever schemes come to my brain, but it would be more fun to be president. I like power, you know. *smiles*

Finishing words?

B: All power to the Soviets!

V: I would like to say two things: First, don't ever be offended if I call you guys "kids". I call everyone kids. Mark and Virginia, the kids in my Yiddish class (except I call them kinderlech, because that's the Yiddish word), myself, my truck, etc. Second: It's really hard to turn off the ridiculous rhetoric I've employed for my Bolshevik persona. It's great. *grins*

First off, I (Vil) would like to say, Blake has a very friendly air throughout this interview, which helps us view her as having our best interests in view. Her goal in being elected, personally, I think is top par. It is what I look for in an ISLAS ruler. If they cannot entertain and help keep the forum alive, what is their worth?

Of course, those with more serious views in hand may not like that this campaign jokingly bases itself upon the communists. I say, if the campaign cannot take itself as a joke, it is not going to be able to take the pressure put upon an ISLAS president.

I think I will have a hard time finding solid anti-campaign facts (or even mild complaints) for the campaigns since I honestly think that this year has an overflow of wonderfully light and humorous presidential candidates. Hurrah for non-stressful election years. Keep it up, ISLASers.

Back for the 2010 Election Season!

Yes, we are back. We haven't been keeping up with current events because, frankly, not that much has happened (at least in comparison to last election), and we've been a little busy.

Anyhow, we have returned to bring you the juicy scoop of sherbet that's being served this election. We're going to bring you up to date with the campaigns and, hopefully, get you some delicious interviews with the candidates.

We're very glad to be here again, bringing you the exciting articles and sharp, witty comments we did last year.

As always, if you want to have a say, email us at theislasscoop@gmail.com. We will post any articles that we think are fit and try to reply as promptly as possible.

Comment Problems

We're sorry that comments have not been working for those of you who would like to post. Hopefully now that has been fixed. If it has not, please email us at the Scoop email address or post on ISLAS saying you still cannot post.

Thank you.

A Letter to the People of ISLAS

From an anonymous member of ISLAS:

Ladies and gentlemen of ISLAS, I have a proposition to make. As you all know, probably from personal experience and, if not that, very likely secondhand, everyone is running a thin thread of tolerance. Often, for many of us, it has broken. I have had to force myself to get off the forum many a time so I will not post angry ramblings against opponents.

Is there a way to solve this? Why are we all so tense and angry?

I believe there are many contributing factors. For instance, the elections have run on for more than six months, if you count the beginning of the summer. If not, counting from August they have lasted four months. This is much more time than we need. In all this time, we have built up too much tension from waiting to find out who will be the winner. We get too wound up in our personal campaigns that we fight against every little accusation and argue over petty differences.

I suggest that in the future we make a decision to keep the election, campaigning and poll time, down to one month. Starting, perhaps, in the middle of July so the elections do not run on into the school year, and end in the middle or near end of August. That way we would not have time to build up such strong and unbudging alliances.

All this time we have had has given us tension which makes us even more determined to have our side win; we will do almost anything. I have heard rumors of bribery going on, and rumors of some accepting those bribes, which infuriates me. This just goes to show how strongly engrossed I am. I am sure many, if not all, of you are as thoroughly entwined.

Making sure future elections are short will help cut down the probability of the tensions and alliances getting so strong that we all are fighting tooth and nail for our spot at the top.

To finish off, I would like to ask, what are the ISLAS elections about? Where are we planning to go with this? Where are we planning to stop? Is it a full fledged democracy? Shall we hold elections for the presidents, and then have regional senators? What about governors? Or states? Where does this all end?

I believe, in the beginning, it was for entertainment that we began the elections. I remember hearing, “Well, this could be fun, so let's try it!” Is anyone having fun? We have lost the vital element of humor.

The road we are heading down is not one that is pleasant. If things continue the way they are going, the winning side is going to be ruling over a very sore opposing side. I have heard many say that, if the other side wins, they may not want to continue frequenting ISLAS. Personally, even though I agree, I think this is a rather extreme measure. Is there not some way to overcome this? Was there not a day where we all had a fabulous time watching the hilarious escapades of the president?

Why is it everyone refers to Mr. John Ahern, our first president, as an example of what we do not want? Is he not exactly what we do want? Even those who sought to overthrow him, even those who got executed, admit in secret that he was a very amusing president. He supplied us with self deprecating videos and took all the criticism with much good humor. Can any of the current candidates hold that place with such flamboyant, foppish jocularity?

I suggest we all join together, this year, to place him again on his well deserved throne. Next year we can do this over again, with the newly gained experience, and, hopefully, learn from our many mistakes. Mr. Ahern can join us together, amuse us, kill us off, once again, one by one. I ask you, would you say, if you were asked how he did, and you replied honestly and anonymously, he was a cruel tyrant who caused us all to be more angry than we are today? I will willingly admit he was not, even if, during his reign, I was adamantly fighting him. He set a high standard for future ISLAS presidents, which I am quite willing to believe none can break.

Please, listen to my recommendations. We could rid ourselves of these petty squabbles and return to our hilarious, mostly inane chatterings. Do you think finishing this election will solve the problems we have? Almost all losers are bad losers, myself most certainly included. If your side loses, how will you feel?

Consider my warnings, fellow ISLAS-ers.

Fervently,
Anonymous

Final Election Poll, 2009

At last, what we have all be waiting impatiently for is here. The final poll for the presidential election of 2009. It has changed much from what we were expecting. Technically, it is not even a presidential race any longer. It is a race between a Prime Minister and a Republic. Who will win? We will find out in a week.

The results for the first poll were as follows:

The ISLAS Republic: 16 votes

Geleynse - Bertilson: 14 votes

DenHoed - DenHoed: 2 votes

Altogether, there were 32 voters. We are expecting more to show up for the final poll, since the news spreads quickly and many find it not necessary to vote in the primary poll.

We all await the results with anticipation, to see who our new leader will be. The Scoop will be there to report new events, good or bad.

If you would like to send us an article or have any letters to the editor, email us at theislasscoop@gmail.com. If you want a quick answer, send the article to Miss Blake as well, and we will try to make sure to review it as soon as possible.

First Poll

The voters poured in to cast their votes for their preferred candidates when the polling booths finally opened. Today, a day or so after they were opened, the votes are trickling in slowly. The two top candidates, Geleynse and Hunter, are neck and neck. They each have twelve votes, with the DenHoed campaign far behind, and voters on each side are wondering how the final poll will turn out.

The ISLAS Republic is proving good competition for Mr. Geleynse. Who will gain the top seat of ISLAS this year? Who is most deserving of this seat and who will rule ISLAS wisely? Or perhaps I should say, who will rule ISLAS with the most humor? Humor is one thing we need most of in these hard times. We need someone who can handle the power and not morph into a power hungry maniac. Which of the candidates can slip into this suit of requirements? Who will be able to fit the suit and not pop the seams or get buried under the piles of fabric?

From previous knowledge of the candidates, I am sad to say that I doubt any of them can hold the candle without getting burned, or burning their supporters. Mr. Hunter has been proven to be hungry for power and control. Mr. Geleynse has shown that he likes attention and at times can be as bad and power hungry as the infamous Mr. Ahern. As for Mr. DenHoed, we all know he is a close friend of Mr. Ahern and one cannot be a close friend of someone and not be infiltrated by their habits.

All three have shown clearly their desire for attention. The question is, who will be able to overcome their temptations and take their presidential beatings with humor? Will they be able to survive getting married off multiple times? Will they execute those who fight against them? Will they do everything in good humor and cause much laughter and hilarity throughout ISLAS?

There is also the question of whether these candidates, when elected, will fill their role, or forget about it and only release entertaining speeches every five months.

Ah, yes, the agony of decision. Many of us, though, have already chosen a side. How do you know you have chosen the right side? Is the right side the winning side?