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A Letter to the People of ISLAS

From an anonymous member of ISLAS:

Ladies and gentlemen of ISLAS, I have a proposition to make. As you all know, probably from personal experience and, if not that, very likely secondhand, everyone is running a thin thread of tolerance. Often, for many of us, it has broken. I have had to force myself to get off the forum many a time so I will not post angry ramblings against opponents.

Is there a way to solve this? Why are we all so tense and angry?

I believe there are many contributing factors. For instance, the elections have run on for more than six months, if you count the beginning of the summer. If not, counting from August they have lasted four months. This is much more time than we need. In all this time, we have built up too much tension from waiting to find out who will be the winner. We get too wound up in our personal campaigns that we fight against every little accusation and argue over petty differences.

I suggest that in the future we make a decision to keep the election, campaigning and poll time, down to one month. Starting, perhaps, in the middle of July so the elections do not run on into the school year, and end in the middle or near end of August. That way we would not have time to build up such strong and unbudging alliances.

All this time we have had has given us tension which makes us even more determined to have our side win; we will do almost anything. I have heard rumors of bribery going on, and rumors of some accepting those bribes, which infuriates me. This just goes to show how strongly engrossed I am. I am sure many, if not all, of you are as thoroughly entwined.

Making sure future elections are short will help cut down the probability of the tensions and alliances getting so strong that we all are fighting tooth and nail for our spot at the top.

To finish off, I would like to ask, what are the ISLAS elections about? Where are we planning to go with this? Where are we planning to stop? Is it a full fledged democracy? Shall we hold elections for the presidents, and then have regional senators? What about governors? Or states? Where does this all end?

I believe, in the beginning, it was for entertainment that we began the elections. I remember hearing, “Well, this could be fun, so let's try it!” Is anyone having fun? We have lost the vital element of humor.

The road we are heading down is not one that is pleasant. If things continue the way they are going, the winning side is going to be ruling over a very sore opposing side. I have heard many say that, if the other side wins, they may not want to continue frequenting ISLAS. Personally, even though I agree, I think this is a rather extreme measure. Is there not some way to overcome this? Was there not a day where we all had a fabulous time watching the hilarious escapades of the president?

Why is it everyone refers to Mr. John Ahern, our first president, as an example of what we do not want? Is he not exactly what we do want? Even those who sought to overthrow him, even those who got executed, admit in secret that he was a very amusing president. He supplied us with self deprecating videos and took all the criticism with much good humor. Can any of the current candidates hold that place with such flamboyant, foppish jocularity?

I suggest we all join together, this year, to place him again on his well deserved throne. Next year we can do this over again, with the newly gained experience, and, hopefully, learn from our many mistakes. Mr. Ahern can join us together, amuse us, kill us off, once again, one by one. I ask you, would you say, if you were asked how he did, and you replied honestly and anonymously, he was a cruel tyrant who caused us all to be more angry than we are today? I will willingly admit he was not, even if, during his reign, I was adamantly fighting him. He set a high standard for future ISLAS presidents, which I am quite willing to believe none can break.

Please, listen to my recommendations. We could rid ourselves of these petty squabbles and return to our hilarious, mostly inane chatterings. Do you think finishing this election will solve the problems we have? Almost all losers are bad losers, myself most certainly included. If your side loses, how will you feel?

Consider my warnings, fellow ISLAS-ers.

Fervently,
Anonymous

Final Election Poll, 2009

At last, what we have all be waiting impatiently for is here. The final poll for the presidential election of 2009. It has changed much from what we were expecting. Technically, it is not even a presidential race any longer. It is a race between a Prime Minister and a Republic. Who will win? We will find out in a week.

The results for the first poll were as follows:

The ISLAS Republic: 16 votes

Geleynse - Bertilson: 14 votes

DenHoed - DenHoed: 2 votes

Altogether, there were 32 voters. We are expecting more to show up for the final poll, since the news spreads quickly and many find it not necessary to vote in the primary poll.

We all await the results with anticipation, to see who our new leader will be. The Scoop will be there to report new events, good or bad.

If you would like to send us an article or have any letters to the editor, email us at theislasscoop@gmail.com. If you want a quick answer, send the article to Miss Blake as well, and we will try to make sure to review it as soon as possible.

First Poll

The voters poured in to cast their votes for their preferred candidates when the polling booths finally opened. Today, a day or so after they were opened, the votes are trickling in slowly. The two top candidates, Geleynse and Hunter, are neck and neck. They each have twelve votes, with the DenHoed campaign far behind, and voters on each side are wondering how the final poll will turn out.

The ISLAS Republic is proving good competition for Mr. Geleynse. Who will gain the top seat of ISLAS this year? Who is most deserving of this seat and who will rule ISLAS wisely? Or perhaps I should say, who will rule ISLAS with the most humor? Humor is one thing we need most of in these hard times. We need someone who can handle the power and not morph into a power hungry maniac. Which of the candidates can slip into this suit of requirements? Who will be able to fit the suit and not pop the seams or get buried under the piles of fabric?

From previous knowledge of the candidates, I am sad to say that I doubt any of them can hold the candle without getting burned, or burning their supporters. Mr. Hunter has been proven to be hungry for power and control. Mr. Geleynse has shown that he likes attention and at times can be as bad and power hungry as the infamous Mr. Ahern. As for Mr. DenHoed, we all know he is a close friend of Mr. Ahern and one cannot be a close friend of someone and not be infiltrated by their habits.

All three have shown clearly their desire for attention. The question is, who will be able to overcome their temptations and take their presidential beatings with humor? Will they be able to survive getting married off multiple times? Will they execute those who fight against them? Will they do everything in good humor and cause much laughter and hilarity throughout ISLAS?

There is also the question of whether these candidates, when elected, will fill their role, or forget about it and only release entertaining speeches every five months.

Ah, yes, the agony of decision. Many of us, though, have already chosen a side. How do you know you have chosen the right side? Is the right side the winning side?

Consul? Republic?

All this new fangled language is leaving me quite giddy with confusion. Why start up a new version of government when we haven't even thoroughly worn the first?

I am curious as to why, all of a sudden, all of these campaigns jumped on a bandwagon together, after fighting each other for voters. Are they so frightened of what may happen that they are willing to do anything to prevent it? If so, what are they so afraid of?

On the other hand, why aren't the other campaigns responding strongly against these actions? Do they feel a sense of doom? Have then given up? Or do they believe, in their heart of hearts, that having Mr. Hunter and Miss Taylor reside over ISLAS would be best for the forums?

These questions are boiling in many voters heads. The strongest opposition of each side is wondering why. They are wondering if they picked the losing side. They are wondering if they should rethink their tactics. Change their battleplan.

It may be all the tightly strung nerves that are twanging and setting new things in motion. Perhaps all this ground-thin tolerance will cause something good in the end. Will there be an ISLAS revolution? Are new things on the way? Is there hope, through all this darkness, for the despairing people of ISLAS?

I believe only time will tell. We all hope and pray for a renewed vigor and comradeship for our beloved forums. We hope that the clouds of a gloomy night that are the ISLAS elections will pass and that the glorious sunshine of a brand new day will come with the morning.

Apology

The Scoop would like to apologize for the lack of interviews (and articles of any kind), and thereby pushing the election further and further away. We are quite busy with non-Scoop related activities (read: school) and will try to get the one remaining interview up as soon as possible.

Interview: Taylor-Jaramillo Campaign

The interview of the Taylor-Jaramillo campaign by Reporter Blake, editing and summary by Vilbert Pear.

EB: What do you intend to do when you're President?

LT: We've been living in minor seconds for too long. I intend to change those minor seconds to major seconds, if not major thirds. If people can't tell the difference, there's always the guillotine.

EB: What are some of your solid objective goals for Islas?

JJ: For Taylor-Jaramillo, one big objective could perhaps be to engage newer ISLASers and ones that don’t talk very much to be more involved and make everything more exciting…. To get more people into the Debate, and other forums, to revive old games like Mafia and encourage the virtual forum, that has gone pretty much dead. Nick was the ideal campaign manager because he could reach out to newcomers better than any of us, being a new comer himself. And to invite new comers!! Big objective! Get a thriving ISLAS! Yay!

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

LT: Change the forum for the better!

EB: Why does having a good sense of music and imposing it upon others make you the best Islasian president?

LT: We never transpose, dispose, or anything of the sort. We have the esteemed recommendation of the Ahern administration for our musical tastes.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

LT & JJ: Taylor and Jaramillo both have come from a prestigious line of family members that have taken online school thus having the best experience to handle foreign policies, unpleasant diplomacy, and executions - with tact. The Taylor and Jaramillo families (as well as the Adams family) are of the finest, and some of the oldest families from the early days of ISLAS.

Justin Jaramillo has been hailed as, "The Sarah Palin of ISLAS" (Hunter Regetin). The infamous bandit, Rubby Ducky, is supporting us, unlike TBoD, Ringo, or Rufus - it's actually worth a real vote!

We're the athetic ticket! Taylor is a great horse-rider, figure skate, whilst Jaramillo is the world's best soccer-baseball player!

Taylor-Jaramillo has strong beliefs - they are consistently on the debte thread (when do you ever see the G-B campaign on the debate thread?).

Taylor can weave through many hard times - she's plenty short, while Jaramillo can go over the heads over all oppenents (he's over six feet tall!).

We’re combining new ISLASers (Our campaign manager is super new) and with old ISLASers thus combing every element of ISLAS there is to offer and bringing greater unity and blah blah blah!

We also like to set new records. We have set the newest record with having a campaign manager with one post!

Well, we have the niceness of the Hilton campaign, the craziness of the Hunter campaign, the salsiness of the MP3-Bertilson campaign, the nerdiness of the Mark campaign, and the insanity of the Geleysne campaign! We have it all! And we’re willing to distribute some of it to our constituents.

Overall, Taylor-Jaramillo is right ticket.

Vote Taylor-Jaramillo 09. Creepy, evil, goatie, and PROKOFIEV!

Are these numerous points enough to convince the ISLAS populace? Does a good taste in music, announced by our former president, make them worth voting for? It is up to you, my readers, to decide, and to vote. We have one more interview to edit and post and then the polls will be up. Mr. DenHoed refused to be interviewed by an anonymous person, which severely hinders any chance of a DenHoed-DenHoed campaign interview being posted. If you want an interview from him, write emails to him and complain.

Scandal in Samantha's Suicide?

An article from an anonymous author:

This morning, ISLASers woke to see the hideous spectacle of Samantha Jordan impaled on a 40' long spike. While other reporters ran hither and thither searching for someone to interview, we went to the core of the matter. We found Death not far from the scene of death. But when asked about the incident, all he said was NO COMMENT. So we went to the next best source.

'The Department of Undead Welfare is very interested in Samantha's death," said department head Nathaniel Spear as we sat in his office. "We're hoping she comes back to help the cause of ghost's rights. The undead population of ISLAS seems to be suffering of bodily reanimation, making us a minority once more.'

'How bad is the undead situation?' I asked.

'Oh, terrible. The living are prejudiced, some ghosts want their bodies back in working order, and others just want to kill everyone else. It's all the department can do to stop them.'

'Do you think that the death of Samantha Jordan was in this last category?'

Mr. Spear looked uncomfortable as I asked this question. 'Investigations are continuing,' he said shortly.

When asked if he would want to change the minority status of the undead population, he glared at me and made no comment.

The interview ended soon afterward, and we made our way back to headquarters, our heads full of what we had just heard. Was this really only a suicide, or is there something worse involved? Could this have been undead terrorist action, or perhaps a small glimpse of a dark political move to give undead majority? Will we all be murdered in our beds? Who can tell? We can't, but there is definitely more here than meets the eye.

-----

Please email theislasscoop@gmail.com to send articles of all sorts. If we deem them respectable and worthy, they will be posted. You have the option of being published anonymously, or with your name attached to the article. Alternately, you may email your article to Reporter Blake and she will send it on to headquarters.

Also, we are working on the last campaign interviews, though certain candidates are being unhelpful. We will, with cooperation, have posted all the interviews by this weekend. We apologize for any impatience we have caused. It being the school year has not helped our efforts to give every candidate and equal chance to dazzle the world of ISLAS.

Interview: de Salsa-Bertilson Campaign

Using the questions of the esteemed Miss Blake, Tortillia Sentitude interviewed the de Salsa – Bertilson campaign.

TS: Why exactly, do you want to be president?

QdS: Well, it's quite simple, really. There are people out there who are incapable of serious, abstract, or otherwise interesting thought or speech. We need to ensure these people don't disappear off Islas merely because they're afraid to say something. In a sentence, we need to ensure the morons don't overcome the geniuses, and vice versa.

TS: Why do you think you'll be a good leader?

QdS: Because I'm honest. Look. I may be a machine, but machines are made to do things. And, if used correctly, we always do what we're made for. That said, an MP3 player as a president might still not seem a very good idea. I, however, am aptly programmed to the molecule to do the best for everyone...even the little man!

TS: What do you intend to do when you're President? What are some solid objective goals for Islas?

QdS: Well, look. First, Islas needs a good bunch of entertaining videos at a respectable frequency. To obtain this, it would probably be best to elect Miss Hunter or Mr. Denhoed, but Noah's not doing so bad either. It may have taken him more than twenty takes to capture his first campaign video, but it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been on his back with a couple dozen wet noodles. He'll learn.

Second, Islas needs to have more intellectual conversation. This is a call more to the stuttering, unvoiced masses than to the eloquent and the talkative. This goal could obviously be achieved by another administration, but I'm asking for your vote.

TS: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

QdS: On the first one, hopefully, you'll laugh. Laughing is good medicine, and colds are going around with you humans; in fact, Mr. Bertilson has one right now. He's actually had it for quite a while.

On the second, I hope we will have more people spewing nonsense, in hopes that we, united in both stupidity and genius, fearful and brave, joyous and downcast. That way, perhaps, Islas will become greater, like iron sharpening iron. We need not be silent.

TS: How do you answer to Mr. John Ahern's accusation that you're appealing to the baser instincts of Islasers?

QdS: First, I'd like to point out this was an accusation against Mr. Geleynse, not me or Mr. Bertilson. Still, this point could be made. Given my previous statements, I have little doubt that question does not need to be answered here.

TS: Mr. Bertilson, Mr. John Ahern has suggested that you might assassinate your MP3 after the election - Do you intend to take this suggestion seriously?

NB: In truth, assassination has only passed my mind as a dark thought, quickly to be tossed into the black mental abyss. On the other hand, in recent days, Quivie and I have discussed the possibility of breaking our current ticket in half and having myself as either one or the other part of another ticket. This seems nearly impossible, as there are few active Islasers who are not either running for President, vice president, prime minister, vice minister, or already supporting a candidate. Miss Russell, who we previously queried on the possibility of her becoming our campaign manager, but, as I recall, she considered herself much too busy for such a venture. Also, I'd like to remind Mr. Ahern that Quivie has not merely Coldplay, though it does occupy a fairly good portion of her music. Also are the Dark Knight and Batman Begins, by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard, at least the latter of which might be credited as something of a classical composer. Also included are several singles from various bands, Klaus Badelt's Pirates of the Carribean, Hans Zimmer's Crimson Tide, and Harry Gregson-Williams' The Chronicles of Narnia, the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. As you could easily deduce, I think, Quivie is not by any means only occupied by Coldplay's songs, but also by numerous other bands and composers.

TS: What do you have to say to those who believe an MP3 player is not a fit president for ISLAS?

QdS: Well, if I'm not to be included on the ticket, vote for me anyway, but yet make it known you'd rather not have a two-ounce brick of metal, plastic and silicon, and, perhaps, we'll consider other options after the primaries.

TS: Why should we vote for you?

Both: Well, if you're a moron, or even an overexposed genius, who's better for you? We mean to attempt to reclaim the balance between the two, and hopefully set in place measures to ensure that continues. Islas should not be only a place for the intellectual, but for the blockhead who looks up to the aforesaid. Islas shouldn't have to turn down newbies, because the smart ones will not only tolerate them, but attempt to impart their knowledge and intelligence to those who ask. Islas, remember, it was words, two thousand years ago, which made the lame leap. Today, it need be no different.

Quivie de Salsa promises much for the population of ISLAS, such as uniting everyone in their lack of intelligence and overabundance of intelligence. Does this promise a strong campaign, or will those ISLAS-ers who are easily insulted take offense at the implication that there are 'morons' on ISLAS? De Salsa gives hope of a strong ISLAS with laughter and insanity, but will these be able to overcome the fact that she is but a small machine, running for office? Will ISLAS be able to look past her shiny metal exterior to the beautiful being within?

The weight of the election lies upon our shoulders, here at the Scoop, and we will try to finish off the interviews as speedily as possible. We know many of you are impatient for the election to begin.

Please contact the Scoop at theislasscoop@gmail.com to send in articles, interviews, suggestions, etc. Also, you may contact Miss Blake for information, if that is easier.

2009 ISLAS Election: Tension on the Rise

Introducing Vilbert Pear, another pseudonym reporter for the Scoop.

Polls have been put off for weeks, now, because of late-joiners in the race. There are six campaigns, all hoping to win the presidency, waiting for the first poll to be put up. The population of ISLAS is waiting for the election to begin. Lauren, one of the two administrators of ISLAS and also a runner for president, said almost a week ago that she would put up the first poll in a week. Will keep her promise, or add on more time for more 'campaigning'?

Are the people of ISLAS becoming restless? Perhaps not yet, or perhaps there's impatience on the rise, just starting to bubble. Could the administrators of ISLAS have a mutiny on their hands in the upcoming days? Various people, who will remain unnamed, have stated that they believe they could do better in 'administrating' over ISLAS. Though this is doubtful, Lauren may have trouble on her hands if she says she needs more time again.

Interview: Hunter-Regentin Campaign

Next Miss Blake has interviewed the Hunter-Regentin campaign, using most of the same questions.

EB: Mr. Daniel Hunter and Miss Lyss Regentin,

Why do you want to be this year's presidential team?

DH: Because we believe we can make ISLAS a better place.

And we're cool.

LR: I believe ISLAS needs us, and that we can give ISLAS the full randomness and craziness that it deserves. And we’re cool.

EB: Mr. Hunter and Miss Regentin,

Why do you think you will be good leaders?

DH: Good question.

I personally believe that I could be a more superior leader than any other candidate could because I am unique, and can offer ISLAS a completely new level of insanity, lameness, change, and awesomeness.

LR: I came from the original ISLAS, I was a real ISLASer. I remember the old days and the good times. As VP, I would like to use my oldie skills, and Mr. Hunter's more, ahem, newer qualities and make ISLAS have the perfect mixture of each.

EB: What do you intend to do when you're President? What are some solid objective goals for Islas?

DH: If I win the elections, I will make a new avatar and signature store

And make people avvy's and siggy's free of charge

I will execute a few people, make awesome campaign videos, and make new friends.

LR: Our first goal is to hand out chocolate to everyone. Everyone should have chocolate!

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

DH: It will make some of you dead, and make some of you have awesome siggy’s and the rest of you happy.

LR: People will be happier. A happier ISLAS means more posting!

EB: How would you answer to Mr. John Ahern's accusation you are engaging in "inexcusable Demagoguery"?

DH: I think it is not true and I haven’t been doing any of that.

LR: I would like to know first what Daniel's inexcusable suchlike actions are. Then I would like to ask, don’t all presidential campaigns? Whether they are extremely noticeable or not, I refuse to point out faults in other campaigns. Overall, I believe Daniel has been no worse then anyone other President hopefuls.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

LR: Because we have chocolate! And we want to bring the forum together, newbies and oldies alike to keep the spirit of ISLAS alive!

DH: Because we will offer ISLAS stuff never seen before, as stated above.

I really enjoy strawberry shakes, cookies, peach cobbler, and ice cream. If you do as well, Vote Hunter-Regentin 2009!

The Hunter-Regentin is offering great benefits: awesome avatars, super signatures, and wonderful chocolate – the whole deal. It looks like everyone can be expecting little packages of chocolate in the mail! They’re definitely using a new approach to politics. Their goal is to bring happiness and posts to Islas. They state they will do this by fun benefits, executions, and chocolate. Their campaign claims that using Daniel’s new ideas and Lyss’ experience they will unite Islas towards greater happiness and chocolate. Islas is very much bound up in its forum – these ideas of Mr. Hunter and Lyss will perhaps draw the forum closer together in awesomeness. These ideas will definitely excite voters for Hunter-Regentin. The chocolate especially, brings exciting thoughts to mind. What flavor? Milk Chocolate? Will the Presidency be providing us with high quality chocolate? How much chocolate?

However, perhaps this is taking an overly optimistic view of humanity. Will chocolate and executions really create friendship and happiness? Is it realistic to promise chocolate to the Islas nation? Should Mr. Hunter have something more serious to bring Islasers together? Or is Islas the very soul of Islas bound up in such antics and grave ideas are unnecessary to unite Islas?

I realize that some of you have expressed concerns about the nature of your reporter. Yes, I am an outright supporter of the Geleynse-Bertilson campaign. However, I will not edit any of the other campaigns in such a way that would cause their credibility or desirability to fall such as putting in excess typos or misrepresenting views. In interest of readability, I am editing all irrelevant chatter from all campaign interviews. I will also try to make my completing blurb as unbiased as possible.

Thank you,

Erin ~ Reporter for The Scoop

Interview: Geleynse-Bertilson Campaign

On Tuesday, Erin Blake, reporter for the Scoop, interviewed Mr. Geleynse and Miss Bertilson concerning their candidacy.

EB: Mr. Andre Geleynse and Miss Regina Bertilson,

You are running for the Office of Prime Minister and Vice Minister.

Why exactly, do you want to be Islas's coming prime ministerial team?

AG: Not only do we believe Islas deserves better than just executing everyone in sight,

We also want to unite ISLAS, and bring them together over new and exciting ideas and schemes.

And always remember, my fellow Islasers, remember this - the answer. Remember...42!

EB: Why do you think you will be a best leader for Islas?

AG: Islas needs a leader who can defend against attacks, both physically and mentally. We can do that, because we’re smart, funny, and I know karate! Obviously to lead in Islas, insanity is needed, which we provide in generous proportions, although we retain enough sanity so that we don't suffer from any true mental illnesses, like Multiple Personality Disorder.

EB: What do you intend to do when you are Prime Minister? What are some solid objective goals for Islas?

RB: We have three official ideas, two that, I promise, will provide much entertainment for the populace of ISLAS through the coming months, and one that will to make difference in the real world.

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

RB: The humorous ideas, with the traditional ISLAS spirit will help form new generations of ISLAS-ers and join the old generations with the new and help sooth election sores.

Our serious idea will help strengthen ISLAS resolve to change the world for the better, to Do Hard Things.

EB: How do you answer to Mr. John Ahern's accusation that you're appealing to the baser instincts of Islasers?

AG: Yes, Mr. Ahern's views are understandable given the way we have been running our campaign so far, but as you will no doubt learn from this interview, we have several plans that most certainly appeal to more than Islasers’ “baser instinctis”.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

AG: It is up to the voters who they want to lead, of course, but I honestly think that we would be the best for Islas. We will provide both hilarity and honest helping work. I mean...Rufus supports us, so it must be true!

Over the whole of Mr. Andre Geleynse’s Prime Ministerial campaign, there has been a type of joy and insanity. His closing remark evidences this – As does his opening statement, “Remember…42”. This is perhaps a good thing; one that encourages spirit and humor in Islasian commoners. If Andre and Regina could only advertise humor, certainly, their candidacy would be quite shallow and debatably worthy.

Nevertheless, it appears the Geleynse-Bertilson campaign is adding a new factor to their campaign: sober ideas. However, they have not given any factual promises. They have only let on that they have ideas. Yet this seems to be an improvement over their former shallow campaigning. They would have us believe the meat of this campaign is two-fold containing both jolly hilarity and serious ambitions. The policy of secrecy about important matters could excite voters, or conversely, it could turn them off.

Is their “honest helping work” something for us to be excited about? Will hilarity and “Hard Things” be the best for Islas?

I leave this to you, voters, to discern.

Please contact the Scoop at theislasscoop@gmail.com to send in articles, interviews, suggestions, etc. Also, you may contact Miss Blake for information, if that is easier.

Interview: John R. Ahern

Conducted by the brilliant Miss Erin Blake, an interview with our very own former president, John R. Ahern:

As the time of voting draws nigh, the Scoop has decided to run a series of interviews. We hope to interview all of the candidates and have an article on each campaign. However, the Scoop’s team of editors has decided that it would be fitting to start the series with an interview of our former president, the Honorable Mr. John Ahern.

I started the interview with a general question concerning the elections:

EB: How do you feel about these elections?

Do you feel that any of the candidates have the ability to improve life in Islas? - Do you think any of them has the ability to surpass the example you have set?

JRA: Naturally, it wouldn't be modest of me to speculate on any of the current candidates surpassing my precedent. But I have my doubts, in general, about the Islas elections. Most of the candidates I simply don't think can do the job of leading Islas, and the ones who could probably won't get elected because the Voice of the People represents a people profoundly devoid of understanding. I'm grieved -- truly grieved -- at how far down the quality of posting has gone in Islas over the summer. I think this may be due, in part, to a sort of high or rowdiness that Islasers get after having met other Islasers. We all know that happened.

EB: So how do you feel about giving up the power, personally? Do you long to continue to be in control? What about these rumors of you taking control of ISLAS, and becoming supreme dictator?

JRA: Oh, the nostalgic, megalomaniac pangs are always there. Sometimes I just wish they were strong enough to take hold of me and give me the inspiration to declare myself dictator...but I am weak and infirm in my old age, and I doubt my feeble constitution would allow me any dramatic entrance into politics.

EB: Which campaign are you considering supporting?

JRA: I really can't say, but I promise all the fair readers of The Scoop that I will announce my endorsement of an Islaser shortly before the elections.

EB: What do you think about team Denhoed-Denhoed? Do you think its slogan "Avoid a Feud" is bizarre? What about Mark running with himself? Will that make a good presidential team?

JRA: I admit, "Avoid a Feud" was a slightly uncomfortable rhyme. And I, for one, found the idea of running with oneself amusing, partly because I think not a few of us were expecting he would run with who turned out to be his campaign manager, Hannah Roorda. And, while I did like the recent speech he gave his campaign techniques, I think DenHoed, like everyone else, has yet to prove himself a worthy candidate, let alone a worthy team.

EB: Team Geleynse-Bertilson. What do you think of them? Do they have enough content, or are they just a bandwagon? Their slogan - Does it add?

JRA: I think it's clear Mr. Geleynse has obvious sway in the public and has voiced concerns that a majority of Islasers can sympathize with. But his popularity is faltering at this point, partly due to the many other alternatives that have been popping up. And I do have to object all those obnoxious signatures he's making. He's appealing to the baser instincts of Islasers, and I'm not particularly impressed in that regard.

EB: De Salsa-Bertilson. Do YOU think running with an MP3 is a poor idea? What about others in Islas? Will Bertilson be a good leader? Will he be submissive to his MP3? Too submissive?

JRA: It all depends upon what he has on his MP3. Coldplay? My, my, I really couldn't stand that as president. I'd be slightly more comfortable if Bertilson outlined a plan right now for assassinating the other half of his ticket.

EB: Taylor-Jaramillo. What do you think? Will the Prokofiev-Goat theme hold, if they get elected? Will it get them elected? Do you believe they have the Panache and style?

JRA: Impressive. I've always admired the musical tastes of both. But I'm skeptical that they're presidential material.

EB: Hunter-Hilton. This team has definitely set themselves up to be the intellectual team. But in your opinion, would turning Islas into an intellectual forum be a good thing? Or would it kill the unique spirit of Islas pride?

JRA: I think the intellectualism is compelling, but they're going to have to prove themselves accessible to the public. We've hardly heard a word.

EB: Hunter-Regentin. This finally announced campaign - and its slogan "Let's change this forum. Together". Do you think that it's slightly eerie that he doesn't specify whether it's change for the better, or the worse? Will Myss Lyss as VP add to the campaign - or scare possible voters off? Do you think they'll be good leaders?

JRA: I think Mr. Hunter is engaging in inexcusable demagoguery and Miss Lyss is intimidating enough. Still, I'm happy to see new blood running through Islas veins and trying to take initiative.

EB: So, knowing your experience of previous years, and in light of what we just went over-

from the way the race is going, who do you think will win?

JRA: I feel this is the most important question you've asked, and I have an important answer for Islasers everywhere - I think the Islas people themselves must win this election. I think they will. It is the responsibility of all Islasers - you, everyone, and I - to bring this about. It is the Islas people themselves that will be the victor.

I think our honored President has hit the nail. Although, these candidates may not be as impressive as former ones, perhaps the winner will not live up to the standard our dear President has set, though the future may look bleak in these hours before the voting begins – Yet, it is the people of Islas that will win. Mr. John Ahern has given a very astute description of the candidates – their strengths and weaknesses. He summed up by saying that the Islasers themselves must be the winners. It is the job of whichever candidate that is elected to uphold the spirit of the unique people in Islas and to unite and strengthen them after the sharp words that were exchanged throughout elections.

The Scoop will be attempting to interview every candidate –But it will be up to you to discern whether Mr. Ahern has accurately described each candidate, and to discern which campaigner will allow the Islas people to be victorious.

Please contact the Scoop at theislasscoop@gmail.com to send in articles, interviews, suggestions, etc. Also, you may contact Miss Blake for information, if that is easier.