Interview: Taylor-Jaramillo Campaign

The interview of the Taylor-Jaramillo campaign by Reporter Blake, editing and summary by Vilbert Pear.

EB: What do you intend to do when you're President?

LT: We've been living in minor seconds for too long. I intend to change those minor seconds to major seconds, if not major thirds. If people can't tell the difference, there's always the guillotine.

EB: What are some of your solid objective goals for Islas?

JJ: For Taylor-Jaramillo, one big objective could perhaps be to engage newer ISLASers and ones that don’t talk very much to be more involved and make everything more exciting…. To get more people into the Debate, and other forums, to revive old games like Mafia and encourage the virtual forum, that has gone pretty much dead. Nick was the ideal campaign manager because he could reach out to newcomers better than any of us, being a new comer himself. And to invite new comers!! Big objective! Get a thriving ISLAS! Yay!

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

LT: Change the forum for the better!

EB: Why does having a good sense of music and imposing it upon others make you the best Islasian president?

LT: We never transpose, dispose, or anything of the sort. We have the esteemed recommendation of the Ahern administration for our musical tastes.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

LT & JJ: Taylor and Jaramillo both have come from a prestigious line of family members that have taken online school thus having the best experience to handle foreign policies, unpleasant diplomacy, and executions - with tact. The Taylor and Jaramillo families (as well as the Adams family) are of the finest, and some of the oldest families from the early days of ISLAS.

Justin Jaramillo has been hailed as, "The Sarah Palin of ISLAS" (Hunter Regetin). The infamous bandit, Rubby Ducky, is supporting us, unlike TBoD, Ringo, or Rufus - it's actually worth a real vote!

We're the athetic ticket! Taylor is a great horse-rider, figure skate, whilst Jaramillo is the world's best soccer-baseball player!

Taylor-Jaramillo has strong beliefs - they are consistently on the debte thread (when do you ever see the G-B campaign on the debate thread?).

Taylor can weave through many hard times - she's plenty short, while Jaramillo can go over the heads over all oppenents (he's over six feet tall!).

We’re combining new ISLASers (Our campaign manager is super new) and with old ISLASers thus combing every element of ISLAS there is to offer and bringing greater unity and blah blah blah!

We also like to set new records. We have set the newest record with having a campaign manager with one post!

Well, we have the niceness of the Hilton campaign, the craziness of the Hunter campaign, the salsiness of the MP3-Bertilson campaign, the nerdiness of the Mark campaign, and the insanity of the Geleysne campaign! We have it all! And we’re willing to distribute some of it to our constituents.

Overall, Taylor-Jaramillo is right ticket.

Vote Taylor-Jaramillo 09. Creepy, evil, goatie, and PROKOFIEV!

Are these numerous points enough to convince the ISLAS populace? Does a good taste in music, announced by our former president, make them worth voting for? It is up to you, my readers, to decide, and to vote. We have one more interview to edit and post and then the polls will be up. Mr. DenHoed refused to be interviewed by an anonymous person, which severely hinders any chance of a DenHoed-DenHoed campaign interview being posted. If you want an interview from him, write emails to him and complain.

Interview: Hunter-Regentin Campaign

Next Miss Blake has interviewed the Hunter-Regentin campaign, using most of the same questions.

EB: Mr. Daniel Hunter and Miss Lyss Regentin,

Why do you want to be this year's presidential team?

DH: Because we believe we can make ISLAS a better place.

And we're cool.

LR: I believe ISLAS needs us, and that we can give ISLAS the full randomness and craziness that it deserves. And we’re cool.

EB: Mr. Hunter and Miss Regentin,

Why do you think you will be good leaders?

DH: Good question.

I personally believe that I could be a more superior leader than any other candidate could because I am unique, and can offer ISLAS a completely new level of insanity, lameness, change, and awesomeness.

LR: I came from the original ISLAS, I was a real ISLASer. I remember the old days and the good times. As VP, I would like to use my oldie skills, and Mr. Hunter's more, ahem, newer qualities and make ISLAS have the perfect mixture of each.

EB: What do you intend to do when you're President? What are some solid objective goals for Islas?

DH: If I win the elections, I will make a new avatar and signature store

And make people avvy's and siggy's free of charge

I will execute a few people, make awesome campaign videos, and make new friends.

LR: Our first goal is to hand out chocolate to everyone. Everyone should have chocolate!

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

DH: It will make some of you dead, and make some of you have awesome siggy’s and the rest of you happy.

LR: People will be happier. A happier ISLAS means more posting!

EB: How would you answer to Mr. John Ahern's accusation you are engaging in "inexcusable Demagoguery"?

DH: I think it is not true and I haven’t been doing any of that.

LR: I would like to know first what Daniel's inexcusable suchlike actions are. Then I would like to ask, don’t all presidential campaigns? Whether they are extremely noticeable or not, I refuse to point out faults in other campaigns. Overall, I believe Daniel has been no worse then anyone other President hopefuls.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

LR: Because we have chocolate! And we want to bring the forum together, newbies and oldies alike to keep the spirit of ISLAS alive!

DH: Because we will offer ISLAS stuff never seen before, as stated above.

I really enjoy strawberry shakes, cookies, peach cobbler, and ice cream. If you do as well, Vote Hunter-Regentin 2009!

The Hunter-Regentin is offering great benefits: awesome avatars, super signatures, and wonderful chocolate – the whole deal. It looks like everyone can be expecting little packages of chocolate in the mail! They’re definitely using a new approach to politics. Their goal is to bring happiness and posts to Islas. They state they will do this by fun benefits, executions, and chocolate. Their campaign claims that using Daniel’s new ideas and Lyss’ experience they will unite Islas towards greater happiness and chocolate. Islas is very much bound up in its forum – these ideas of Mr. Hunter and Lyss will perhaps draw the forum closer together in awesomeness. These ideas will definitely excite voters for Hunter-Regentin. The chocolate especially, brings exciting thoughts to mind. What flavor? Milk Chocolate? Will the Presidency be providing us with high quality chocolate? How much chocolate?

However, perhaps this is taking an overly optimistic view of humanity. Will chocolate and executions really create friendship and happiness? Is it realistic to promise chocolate to the Islas nation? Should Mr. Hunter have something more serious to bring Islasers together? Or is Islas the very soul of Islas bound up in such antics and grave ideas are unnecessary to unite Islas?

I realize that some of you have expressed concerns about the nature of your reporter. Yes, I am an outright supporter of the Geleynse-Bertilson campaign. However, I will not edit any of the other campaigns in such a way that would cause their credibility or desirability to fall such as putting in excess typos or misrepresenting views. In interest of readability, I am editing all irrelevant chatter from all campaign interviews. I will also try to make my completing blurb as unbiased as possible.

Thank you,

Erin ~ Reporter for The Scoop

Interview: Geleynse-Bertilson Campaign

On Tuesday, Erin Blake, reporter for the Scoop, interviewed Mr. Geleynse and Miss Bertilson concerning their candidacy.

EB: Mr. Andre Geleynse and Miss Regina Bertilson,

You are running for the Office of Prime Minister and Vice Minister.

Why exactly, do you want to be Islas's coming prime ministerial team?

AG: Not only do we believe Islas deserves better than just executing everyone in sight,

We also want to unite ISLAS, and bring them together over new and exciting ideas and schemes.

And always remember, my fellow Islasers, remember this - the answer. Remember...42!

EB: Why do you think you will be a best leader for Islas?

AG: Islas needs a leader who can defend against attacks, both physically and mentally. We can do that, because we’re smart, funny, and I know karate! Obviously to lead in Islas, insanity is needed, which we provide in generous proportions, although we retain enough sanity so that we don't suffer from any true mental illnesses, like Multiple Personality Disorder.

EB: What do you intend to do when you are Prime Minister? What are some solid objective goals for Islas?

RB: We have three official ideas, two that, I promise, will provide much entertainment for the populace of ISLAS through the coming months, and one that will to make difference in the real world.

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

RB: The humorous ideas, with the traditional ISLAS spirit will help form new generations of ISLAS-ers and join the old generations with the new and help sooth election sores.

Our serious idea will help strengthen ISLAS resolve to change the world for the better, to Do Hard Things.

EB: How do you answer to Mr. John Ahern's accusation that you're appealing to the baser instincts of Islasers?

AG: Yes, Mr. Ahern's views are understandable given the way we have been running our campaign so far, but as you will no doubt learn from this interview, we have several plans that most certainly appeal to more than Islasers’ “baser instinctis”.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

AG: It is up to the voters who they want to lead, of course, but I honestly think that we would be the best for Islas. We will provide both hilarity and honest helping work. I mean...Rufus supports us, so it must be true!

Over the whole of Mr. Andre Geleynse’s Prime Ministerial campaign, there has been a type of joy and insanity. His closing remark evidences this – As does his opening statement, “Remember…42”. This is perhaps a good thing; one that encourages spirit and humor in Islasian commoners. If Andre and Regina could only advertise humor, certainly, their candidacy would be quite shallow and debatably worthy.

Nevertheless, it appears the Geleynse-Bertilson campaign is adding a new factor to their campaign: sober ideas. However, they have not given any factual promises. They have only let on that they have ideas. Yet this seems to be an improvement over their former shallow campaigning. They would have us believe the meat of this campaign is two-fold containing both jolly hilarity and serious ambitions. The policy of secrecy about important matters could excite voters, or conversely, it could turn them off.

Is their “honest helping work” something for us to be excited about? Will hilarity and “Hard Things” be the best for Islas?

I leave this to you, voters, to discern.

Please contact the Scoop at theislasscoop@gmail.com to send in articles, interviews, suggestions, etc. Also, you may contact Miss Blake for information, if that is easier.

Interview: John R. Ahern

Conducted by the brilliant Miss Erin Blake, an interview with our very own former president, John R. Ahern:

As the time of voting draws nigh, the Scoop has decided to run a series of interviews. We hope to interview all of the candidates and have an article on each campaign. However, the Scoop’s team of editors has decided that it would be fitting to start the series with an interview of our former president, the Honorable Mr. John Ahern.

I started the interview with a general question concerning the elections:

EB: How do you feel about these elections?

Do you feel that any of the candidates have the ability to improve life in Islas? - Do you think any of them has the ability to surpass the example you have set?

JRA: Naturally, it wouldn't be modest of me to speculate on any of the current candidates surpassing my precedent. But I have my doubts, in general, about the Islas elections. Most of the candidates I simply don't think can do the job of leading Islas, and the ones who could probably won't get elected because the Voice of the People represents a people profoundly devoid of understanding. I'm grieved -- truly grieved -- at how far down the quality of posting has gone in Islas over the summer. I think this may be due, in part, to a sort of high or rowdiness that Islasers get after having met other Islasers. We all know that happened.

EB: So how do you feel about giving up the power, personally? Do you long to continue to be in control? What about these rumors of you taking control of ISLAS, and becoming supreme dictator?

JRA: Oh, the nostalgic, megalomaniac pangs are always there. Sometimes I just wish they were strong enough to take hold of me and give me the inspiration to declare myself dictator...but I am weak and infirm in my old age, and I doubt my feeble constitution would allow me any dramatic entrance into politics.

EB: Which campaign are you considering supporting?

JRA: I really can't say, but I promise all the fair readers of The Scoop that I will announce my endorsement of an Islaser shortly before the elections.

EB: What do you think about team Denhoed-Denhoed? Do you think its slogan "Avoid a Feud" is bizarre? What about Mark running with himself? Will that make a good presidential team?

JRA: I admit, "Avoid a Feud" was a slightly uncomfortable rhyme. And I, for one, found the idea of running with oneself amusing, partly because I think not a few of us were expecting he would run with who turned out to be his campaign manager, Hannah Roorda. And, while I did like the recent speech he gave his campaign techniques, I think DenHoed, like everyone else, has yet to prove himself a worthy candidate, let alone a worthy team.

EB: Team Geleynse-Bertilson. What do you think of them? Do they have enough content, or are they just a bandwagon? Their slogan - Does it add?

JRA: I think it's clear Mr. Geleynse has obvious sway in the public and has voiced concerns that a majority of Islasers can sympathize with. But his popularity is faltering at this point, partly due to the many other alternatives that have been popping up. And I do have to object all those obnoxious signatures he's making. He's appealing to the baser instincts of Islasers, and I'm not particularly impressed in that regard.

EB: De Salsa-Bertilson. Do YOU think running with an MP3 is a poor idea? What about others in Islas? Will Bertilson be a good leader? Will he be submissive to his MP3? Too submissive?

JRA: It all depends upon what he has on his MP3. Coldplay? My, my, I really couldn't stand that as president. I'd be slightly more comfortable if Bertilson outlined a plan right now for assassinating the other half of his ticket.

EB: Taylor-Jaramillo. What do you think? Will the Prokofiev-Goat theme hold, if they get elected? Will it get them elected? Do you believe they have the Panache and style?

JRA: Impressive. I've always admired the musical tastes of both. But I'm skeptical that they're presidential material.

EB: Hunter-Hilton. This team has definitely set themselves up to be the intellectual team. But in your opinion, would turning Islas into an intellectual forum be a good thing? Or would it kill the unique spirit of Islas pride?

JRA: I think the intellectualism is compelling, but they're going to have to prove themselves accessible to the public. We've hardly heard a word.

EB: Hunter-Regentin. This finally announced campaign - and its slogan "Let's change this forum. Together". Do you think that it's slightly eerie that he doesn't specify whether it's change for the better, or the worse? Will Myss Lyss as VP add to the campaign - or scare possible voters off? Do you think they'll be good leaders?

JRA: I think Mr. Hunter is engaging in inexcusable demagoguery and Miss Lyss is intimidating enough. Still, I'm happy to see new blood running through Islas veins and trying to take initiative.

EB: So, knowing your experience of previous years, and in light of what we just went over-

from the way the race is going, who do you think will win?

JRA: I feel this is the most important question you've asked, and I have an important answer for Islasers everywhere - I think the Islas people themselves must win this election. I think they will. It is the responsibility of all Islasers - you, everyone, and I - to bring this about. It is the Islas people themselves that will be the victor.

I think our honored President has hit the nail. Although, these candidates may not be as impressive as former ones, perhaps the winner will not live up to the standard our dear President has set, though the future may look bleak in these hours before the voting begins – Yet, it is the people of Islas that will win. Mr. John Ahern has given a very astute description of the candidates – their strengths and weaknesses. He summed up by saying that the Islasers themselves must be the winners. It is the job of whichever candidate that is elected to uphold the spirit of the unique people in Islas and to unite and strengthen them after the sharp words that were exchanged throughout elections.

The Scoop will be attempting to interview every candidate –But it will be up to you to discern whether Mr. Ahern has accurately described each candidate, and to discern which campaigner will allow the Islas people to be victorious.

Please contact the Scoop at theislasscoop@gmail.com to send in articles, interviews, suggestions, etc. Also, you may contact Miss Blake for information, if that is easier.