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A Letter to the People of ISLAS

From an anonymous member of ISLAS:

Ladies and gentlemen of ISLAS, I have a proposition to make. As you all know, probably from personal experience and, if not that, very likely secondhand, everyone is running a thin thread of tolerance. Often, for many of us, it has broken. I have had to force myself to get off the forum many a time so I will not post angry ramblings against opponents.

Is there a way to solve this? Why are we all so tense and angry?

I believe there are many contributing factors. For instance, the elections have run on for more than six months, if you count the beginning of the summer. If not, counting from August they have lasted four months. This is much more time than we need. In all this time, we have built up too much tension from waiting to find out who will be the winner. We get too wound up in our personal campaigns that we fight against every little accusation and argue over petty differences.

I suggest that in the future we make a decision to keep the election, campaigning and poll time, down to one month. Starting, perhaps, in the middle of July so the elections do not run on into the school year, and end in the middle or near end of August. That way we would not have time to build up such strong and unbudging alliances.

All this time we have had has given us tension which makes us even more determined to have our side win; we will do almost anything. I have heard rumors of bribery going on, and rumors of some accepting those bribes, which infuriates me. This just goes to show how strongly engrossed I am. I am sure many, if not all, of you are as thoroughly entwined.

Making sure future elections are short will help cut down the probability of the tensions and alliances getting so strong that we all are fighting tooth and nail for our spot at the top.

To finish off, I would like to ask, what are the ISLAS elections about? Where are we planning to go with this? Where are we planning to stop? Is it a full fledged democracy? Shall we hold elections for the presidents, and then have regional senators? What about governors? Or states? Where does this all end?

I believe, in the beginning, it was for entertainment that we began the elections. I remember hearing, “Well, this could be fun, so let's try it!” Is anyone having fun? We have lost the vital element of humor.

The road we are heading down is not one that is pleasant. If things continue the way they are going, the winning side is going to be ruling over a very sore opposing side. I have heard many say that, if the other side wins, they may not want to continue frequenting ISLAS. Personally, even though I agree, I think this is a rather extreme measure. Is there not some way to overcome this? Was there not a day where we all had a fabulous time watching the hilarious escapades of the president?

Why is it everyone refers to Mr. John Ahern, our first president, as an example of what we do not want? Is he not exactly what we do want? Even those who sought to overthrow him, even those who got executed, admit in secret that he was a very amusing president. He supplied us with self deprecating videos and took all the criticism with much good humor. Can any of the current candidates hold that place with such flamboyant, foppish jocularity?

I suggest we all join together, this year, to place him again on his well deserved throne. Next year we can do this over again, with the newly gained experience, and, hopefully, learn from our many mistakes. Mr. Ahern can join us together, amuse us, kill us off, once again, one by one. I ask you, would you say, if you were asked how he did, and you replied honestly and anonymously, he was a cruel tyrant who caused us all to be more angry than we are today? I will willingly admit he was not, even if, during his reign, I was adamantly fighting him. He set a high standard for future ISLAS presidents, which I am quite willing to believe none can break.

Please, listen to my recommendations. We could rid ourselves of these petty squabbles and return to our hilarious, mostly inane chatterings. Do you think finishing this election will solve the problems we have? Almost all losers are bad losers, myself most certainly included. If your side loses, how will you feel?

Consider my warnings, fellow ISLAS-ers.

Fervently,
Anonymous

Final Election Poll, 2009

At last, what we have all be waiting impatiently for is here. The final poll for the presidential election of 2009. It has changed much from what we were expecting. Technically, it is not even a presidential race any longer. It is a race between a Prime Minister and a Republic. Who will win? We will find out in a week.

The results for the first poll were as follows:

The ISLAS Republic: 16 votes

Geleynse - Bertilson: 14 votes

DenHoed - DenHoed: 2 votes

Altogether, there were 32 voters. We are expecting more to show up for the final poll, since the news spreads quickly and many find it not necessary to vote in the primary poll.

We all await the results with anticipation, to see who our new leader will be. The Scoop will be there to report new events, good or bad.

If you would like to send us an article or have any letters to the editor, email us at theislasscoop@gmail.com. If you want a quick answer, send the article to Miss Blake as well, and we will try to make sure to review it as soon as possible.

First Poll

The voters poured in to cast their votes for their preferred candidates when the polling booths finally opened. Today, a day or so after they were opened, the votes are trickling in slowly. The two top candidates, Geleynse and Hunter, are neck and neck. They each have twelve votes, with the DenHoed campaign far behind, and voters on each side are wondering how the final poll will turn out.

The ISLAS Republic is proving good competition for Mr. Geleynse. Who will gain the top seat of ISLAS this year? Who is most deserving of this seat and who will rule ISLAS wisely? Or perhaps I should say, who will rule ISLAS with the most humor? Humor is one thing we need most of in these hard times. We need someone who can handle the power and not morph into a power hungry maniac. Which of the candidates can slip into this suit of requirements? Who will be able to fit the suit and not pop the seams or get buried under the piles of fabric?

From previous knowledge of the candidates, I am sad to say that I doubt any of them can hold the candle without getting burned, or burning their supporters. Mr. Hunter has been proven to be hungry for power and control. Mr. Geleynse has shown that he likes attention and at times can be as bad and power hungry as the infamous Mr. Ahern. As for Mr. DenHoed, we all know he is a close friend of Mr. Ahern and one cannot be a close friend of someone and not be infiltrated by their habits.

All three have shown clearly their desire for attention. The question is, who will be able to overcome their temptations and take their presidential beatings with humor? Will they be able to survive getting married off multiple times? Will they execute those who fight against them? Will they do everything in good humor and cause much laughter and hilarity throughout ISLAS?

There is also the question of whether these candidates, when elected, will fill their role, or forget about it and only release entertaining speeches every five months.

Ah, yes, the agony of decision. Many of us, though, have already chosen a side. How do you know you have chosen the right side? Is the right side the winning side?

Consul? Republic?

All this new fangled language is leaving me quite giddy with confusion. Why start up a new version of government when we haven't even thoroughly worn the first?

I am curious as to why, all of a sudden, all of these campaigns jumped on a bandwagon together, after fighting each other for voters. Are they so frightened of what may happen that they are willing to do anything to prevent it? If so, what are they so afraid of?

On the other hand, why aren't the other campaigns responding strongly against these actions? Do they feel a sense of doom? Have then given up? Or do they believe, in their heart of hearts, that having Mr. Hunter and Miss Taylor reside over ISLAS would be best for the forums?

These questions are boiling in many voters heads. The strongest opposition of each side is wondering why. They are wondering if they picked the losing side. They are wondering if they should rethink their tactics. Change their battleplan.

It may be all the tightly strung nerves that are twanging and setting new things in motion. Perhaps all this ground-thin tolerance will cause something good in the end. Will there be an ISLAS revolution? Are new things on the way? Is there hope, through all this darkness, for the despairing people of ISLAS?

I believe only time will tell. We all hope and pray for a renewed vigor and comradeship for our beloved forums. We hope that the clouds of a gloomy night that are the ISLAS elections will pass and that the glorious sunshine of a brand new day will come with the morning.

Apology

The Scoop would like to apologize for the lack of interviews (and articles of any kind), and thereby pushing the election further and further away. We are quite busy with non-Scoop related activities (read: school) and will try to get the one remaining interview up as soon as possible.

Interview: Taylor-Jaramillo Campaign

The interview of the Taylor-Jaramillo campaign by Reporter Blake, editing and summary by Vilbert Pear.

EB: What do you intend to do when you're President?

LT: We've been living in minor seconds for too long. I intend to change those minor seconds to major seconds, if not major thirds. If people can't tell the difference, there's always the guillotine.

EB: What are some of your solid objective goals for Islas?

JJ: For Taylor-Jaramillo, one big objective could perhaps be to engage newer ISLASers and ones that don’t talk very much to be more involved and make everything more exciting…. To get more people into the Debate, and other forums, to revive old games like Mafia and encourage the virtual forum, that has gone pretty much dead. Nick was the ideal campaign manager because he could reach out to newcomers better than any of us, being a new comer himself. And to invite new comers!! Big objective! Get a thriving ISLAS! Yay!

EB: How will these goals affect us as Islasers?

LT: Change the forum for the better!

EB: Why does having a good sense of music and imposing it upon others make you the best Islasian president?

LT: We never transpose, dispose, or anything of the sort. We have the esteemed recommendation of the Ahern administration for our musical tastes.

EB: Why should we vote for you?

LT & JJ: Taylor and Jaramillo both have come from a prestigious line of family members that have taken online school thus having the best experience to handle foreign policies, unpleasant diplomacy, and executions - with tact. The Taylor and Jaramillo families (as well as the Adams family) are of the finest, and some of the oldest families from the early days of ISLAS.

Justin Jaramillo has been hailed as, "The Sarah Palin of ISLAS" (Hunter Regetin). The infamous bandit, Rubby Ducky, is supporting us, unlike TBoD, Ringo, or Rufus - it's actually worth a real vote!

We're the athetic ticket! Taylor is a great horse-rider, figure skate, whilst Jaramillo is the world's best soccer-baseball player!

Taylor-Jaramillo has strong beliefs - they are consistently on the debte thread (when do you ever see the G-B campaign on the debate thread?).

Taylor can weave through many hard times - she's plenty short, while Jaramillo can go over the heads over all oppenents (he's over six feet tall!).

We’re combining new ISLASers (Our campaign manager is super new) and with old ISLASers thus combing every element of ISLAS there is to offer and bringing greater unity and blah blah blah!

We also like to set new records. We have set the newest record with having a campaign manager with one post!

Well, we have the niceness of the Hilton campaign, the craziness of the Hunter campaign, the salsiness of the MP3-Bertilson campaign, the nerdiness of the Mark campaign, and the insanity of the Geleysne campaign! We have it all! And we’re willing to distribute some of it to our constituents.

Overall, Taylor-Jaramillo is right ticket.

Vote Taylor-Jaramillo 09. Creepy, evil, goatie, and PROKOFIEV!

Are these numerous points enough to convince the ISLAS populace? Does a good taste in music, announced by our former president, make them worth voting for? It is up to you, my readers, to decide, and to vote. We have one more interview to edit and post and then the polls will be up. Mr. DenHoed refused to be interviewed by an anonymous person, which severely hinders any chance of a DenHoed-DenHoed campaign interview being posted. If you want an interview from him, write emails to him and complain.